Too Much
by If Wishes Were Blue Skies
Summary: [Elricest] Sometimes it's too much for Al to contain the feelings he has for Ed, but is 'too much' really all that bad?


A/N: More fanfiction from me, yay! in Al's POV, so yeah, and it pretty much ignores the movie, I think. I dunno, whether they're in Munich or Amestris I guess is your call. and I dunno where this came from, 'cept a can of pepsi jazz at two in the morning XD. But yeah, I hope you all enjoy :D

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of its characters.

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"Too Much"

by:_ If Wishes Were Blue Skies_

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Too much, Brother. Sometimes it's just too much.

In the morning, waking up and seeing you sleeping form in your bed at the other side of the room and keeping myself from crawling under the covers with you. During the day, barely being able to hide how flustered I get when we touch accidentally. In the evening when you come home from your desk job at the military, and not being permitted to greet you with a kiss or two. And at night when we go to our bedroom, and restraining myself from holding you, kissing you, and do things with you that I've only read about in Dad's old anatomy books.

It builds up. And sometimes… I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'll be able to be able to resist the next opportunity that arises, be able to tell myself 'no'. It's not allowed. Not for me, anyway. So long as I don't want you to hate me… then I'm not allowed.

I started wanting these things right after you restored my to my original body. I had – of course – been quite sick after the transmutation, but you took care of me so well… maybe a little too well. Staying right at my bedside nearly all of the time, coddling me more than both of us knew I really needed. But you told me a lot of how scared you were that if you left me alone, even for a minute, that I wouldn't be there when you got back.

But I'm scared of losing you too, Brother. Though for a whole other, much less honorable reason…

* * *

I was sitting in the front room reading one of my books when he came home. Smiling as I always did, I snapped my book shut and walked over to him.

"Welcome home, Brother," I greeted happily, taking his coat from him. Even though my desires still existed beneath my skin, it always made me genuinely happy when he came home.

He smiled back, though a little worn as it always was when he came home from work. "Hey, Al," he replied warmly. I flushed ever so slightly, the sound of his voice after it being absent for eight hours a day never failing in making me turn red. But as far as I knew, he never noticed.

Our conversation went from there as it normally did. I asked him how his day went, and he told me with the usual complaints about Mustang while I listened with a humorous smile on my face. I made our dinner as he spoke from his seat at the kitchen table.

"How have you been, Al?" he then asked me.

The question seemed a bit random, only because he sounded like he hadn't seen me in weeks. "Uhm… fine?" I offered, turning away from the stove for a moment. He shook his head and stood up from the table, walking in front of me.

"No, I mean… have you been feeling alright?" he asked, placing his flesh hand on my shoulder, concern shining in his golden eyes. "It's only been three months since the transmutation."

Oh, that's what he meant. His worry seeped itself into me, and it gave me a warm feeling inside. It was nice to know that Brother cared so much about me.

I smiled assuredly at him. "I'm fine, Brother," I told him. "And I have you to thank for that."

His concerned expression morphed into a sad one. "But I wouldn't even have to be asking this if it wasn't for m-,"

"Brother, you're an idiot," I interrupted. He looked at me in surprise, and I simply wrapped my arms around his middle, trying my best to seem comforting, trying my best to ignore the fluttering in my stomach.

"How many times do I have to tell you to put it all behind you? I never blamed you for anything. It's all over now, there's no need to dwell on it anymore."

For a while, he was silent. But then, ever so softly, he whispered out my whole name. A shiver went down my spine, as it always did when he called me by my full name.

He slowly relaxed into my hold, eventually bringing his arms firmly around my waist, his head even coming to rest on my shoulder.

I tried not to sigh out of contentment, but it proved an uneasy task. We didn't hug like this very often at all, Brother wasn't one much for physical displays of affection. So when we did manage to share moments like this, I obviously took great care in treasuring every second.

But the feeling was short-lived. His warmth was starting to get too welcoming, and it was becoming too much again. I wanted more… I wanted to hold him closer, run my hands through his hair…

My hands took fistfuls of his sweater in desperation. Why? Why couldn't I just hold him for a moment without wanting more? Why couldn't I hug him like this a comforting and brotherly way, and think nothing else of it? Why…?

"Because there's something wrong with me…" I whispered before I even realized my mouth had opened.

Edward shifted. "Hmm?"

My heart skipped a beat, fear rushing through me. I uttered a small squeak in surprise, immediately cursing myself for it.

Brother put his hands on my shoulders, placing distance between us, and looking at me with now questioning eyes.

"Did you say… that there was something wrong with you?" he asked. Then he suddenly looked horrified. "Al, what's wrong? Are you getting sick again, do you hurt anywhere, what –!"

"Brother…" I spoke. I couldn't look at him, so my gaze fell to the floor. Now he was worried because he had the wrong idea… and it was my fault. "It's not…" I tried, but couldn't figure out how to say it.

"What is it, Al?" he asked, starting to sound a little panicked.

"It's not… it's not important. Really," I said to him, looking up to meet his gaze. By the look on his face, though, it was evident that he wasn't going to take that as an answer. But that was evident to me before I had even said it.

"Al…" he spoke again, a little more urgent this time.

Too much. It was getting to be too much again. Just the thought… the _idea_ of telling him how I felt was more than enough to make me sick with fear. It scared me to the point of deciding a while ago that I would never tell him. It was my sin to bear.

But… right now…

"Edward, I…" I shivered, my heartbeat going so fast that it hurt. I looked up at him desperately, hoping that maybe he'd just understand, and I wouldn't have to say it… it was just too horrible. But, I…

"I… love you."

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding, but I wished I could just stop. Looking at Brother's face, it had gone to something similar to disbelief and shock for a split second, before melting into a smile.

"Is that all? All, you know I love you t-," _No._

"I'm in love with you," I said, my voice shaking so much even I could barely understand what I'd just said. I was staring at him intently, but I think given a few more seconds and I would collapse to the floor in tears. I was beginning to feel nauseous. I couldn't believe that I just… I…

Ed's eyes were unreadable through the tears that were clouding my vision. I didn't dare look away from him, but even as I stared at him, I couldn't tell what he was thinking. Oh how I wanted to just run away, out the front door, down the street, as far as my legs would carry me.

I'm sure Brother wanted me to leave now anyway…

What in God's name was I _thinking_! He hates me, I know he does. He thinks I'm sick and disgusting, and he'll never want me near him again! I'm not normal, brothers aren't supposed to feel this way about the other, it's-!

"Alphonse…?"

My mind snapped back to reality at his voice. Tears were falling from my eyes freely now, though I wanted desperately for them to stop showing Ed how pathetic I was. But then as I looked up into his eyes, the tears only came faster. He looked so… shocked and horrified. I couldn't blame him…

But then I felt a warmth envelope the right side of my face. It took me a second to realize it, but it was Brother's good hand that had come up to cup my cheek. He used his thumb to brush away some of the tears, his expression now much softer than it had been. I was trying with all my might not to just start sobbing uncontrollably. I felt horrible, yet so relieved now. He knew… but he wasn't upset or angry at me, and I couldn't help but feel happy for this. But… I don't deserve his kindness anymore. With these horrible desires inside of me, I deserved to be kicked out of his home.

"Brother, I-I'm sorry," I choked out, still holding back a sob in my throat. I'm so sorry I'm-,"

The hand that was on my cheek slid downward, Ed placing his pointer finger atop my lips, successfully shutting me up. I looked at him fearfully, scared to death of what he might do or say. But the look on his face had since melted into one that made my heart melt. His honey-colored eyes spoke thousands of kind words to me, though I couldn't quite understand them. I…

I couldn't take it anymore.

In one quick movement, I threw my arms around his neck, brought him as close to me as I possibly could, and pressed my lips against his. I was trembling now, I was so afraid. But… please, I need this. If just once, I need to know how it feels…

I'm so sorry, Brother… I'm so selfish…

After a few painful seconds, I finally began to pull away from him, but at the very last moment, I felt strong arms bring me back. I let out a noise of surprise, my eyes flying open just to see golden hair and closed eyelids, now feeling lips pressing against mine instead of the other way around.

More tears welled up in my eyes and I let out a small squeak of happiness. My eyes drifted shut again, and I clung to the back of his sweater. He pressed himself closer to me, our clothing now the only thing between us. I was still trembling, but now out of sheer pleasure.

He ran a hand through my hair, the other wrapped tightly around my shoulders. If possible, our mouths came even closer together, now open to the other's, hot and wet with passion.

It was beyond anything I could've dared imagine. None of my dreams or fantasies came anywhere near to how perfect it _really_ felt. I moaned softly into him, my knees beginning to feel extremely weak. But before they managed to give out, he gently pulled out of the kiss.

For a moment, we just looked at each other, faces burning red, mouths hanging open in a desperate attempt to bring air back into out lungs. He chuckled.

"Al, you can stop crying now," he said, reaching out and wiping my face clean of fresh tears. I smiled weakly.

"Brother…?" I asked, without really asking. He understood, and wrapped me up in his warm arms.

"I love you too, Al," he whispered in my ear. "Much more than I should. But you know what? So long as you don't mind, I don't mind." He pulled away to smile at me, and I couldn't help but let out a small laugh.

"You _don't_ mind, do you?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Of course not." And with that, I leaned back in, our lips meeting for a second time. His arms came down to circle around my waist, while my hands lingered atop his chest. It didn't take long at all for the kiss to turn heated and deep as it had before we'd stopped before.

With my legs still wobbly from the first kiss, and the new feeling that was shooting through me like fire, I found myself falling to the kitchen floor, mercilessly dragging Brother down with me, our lips never parting, and still not stopping even after landing quite painfully onto the hardwood floor. We paused once or twice just long enough to get a single breath in, or whisper the other's name in a low voice. Hands groped at whatever they could, our bodies were pressed hard against each other's, and needy cries muffled only by the other's mouth.

I would soon learn that 'too much'… was never going to be enough.


End file.
